What Myrtle Saw
by Shalott
Summary: Moaning Myrtle goes up to the prefects bathroom in search of conversation, and finds something quite different.


Disclaimer:  These are JKR's characters, not mine.

What Myrtle Saw

     Myrtle, or as the living so callously called her 'Moaning Myrtle', was terribly depressed.  No one had talked to her since those lying Gryffindors that said they would visit her.  Oh well, no one ever talked to her.  She had half a mind that girls actually avoided her bathroom, but they wouldn't be that cruel…would they?  They probably would, stupid living…always thinking about themselves.  Always worried about exams and Quidditch, as if she didn't have bigger problems than that.  She had eternity to worry about. 

     As no one had come into her bathroom in a couple of days, Myrtle headed off to the prefects bathroom.  She had never been allowed there when she was at Hogworts, but no one could keep her out now, could they.  She enjoyed the room; the prefects were so nice, and some of them would even talk to her.  Maybe that nice Hufflepuff boy was there-he was always very polite and even listened to her talk during his bath, wearing the muggle device he called a walkman that allowed him to concentrate on what she was saying.  She floated up into the bathroom-it was empty.  Well, she would wait. It's not like she had anyone waiting on her.  She settled down in one of the faucets, and waited to see if that nice boy would show up.  

     The nice Hufflepuff didn't appear that evening, but someone else did.  Myrtle was contentedly remembering how the Slytherin girls used to taunt her, when someone rudely flung open the door. 

"Oh come on Percy, it's nearly ten o'clock…no one will come in here now, anyway, I'll do a locking spell on the door…there!"

"But Penny, darling, this is no way to behave, we are supposed to set an example for the younger stu-"

"Do you see any younger students here Percy, come on…I haven't seen you all summer!"

"But Penny! We're prefects!!"

"Oh come off it Percy!  Don't you want to?"

"Er..well…."

"Then relax darling.  Why don't I draw us a bath?"

     Myrtle had barely drawn back further into the pipe when the rude girl turned it on.  The tub began to fill with all of the bubbles and foam, as the girl turned on all of the faucets.  She recognized the boy, he had been very short with her once when she had simply tried  to warn him of the third faucet from the left.  Well, he had learned his lesson though, hadn't he!  The girl was a stranger, though Myrtle was sure she was very mean, and that she wouldn't like her.

     The bath was nearly filled now, and the girl had turned off all of the faucets.  Myrtle had a clear view of the scene before her.

"Well Perce, fancy a dip?"

"Oh darling, are you sure…"

"Darling, no one is here and no one can get in!  Now take off your robes and climb in!"

With that, the girl threw off her robes and dress, and leapt into the bath.  The boy stood there, frozen.  

"C'mon Perce!!  It's lovely!"

The boy slowly began to remove his robe, his movements very stiff and formal.  

"Oh Penelope, couldn't we just…"

"Shut up Percy!  Either get in, or sod off!"

"Penelope!  Language!"

The girl gave him a look, and he resumed undressing.  He carefully folded his robe, and placed his prefects badge upon it.  His shirt, pants, and briefs followed, just as neatly folded.  He was still wearing socks, and blushing furiously.  He held his hands modestly near his waist as he used his feet to peel off his socks.  As soon as he was naked, he quickly entered the bath, never moving his hands.  Myrtle considered bursting forth from the faucet and summoning the entire castle, but something held her back.  As soon as the boy had entered the bath, the girl was on top of him.  He made some feeble protests, but it seemed that she and his hormones were in league against his usual code of decorum.  Myrtle wondered what was going on…it seemed they were having a splash fight!  This was very improper conduct for the prefect's bathroom!  But if they were fighting, why were they kissing?  Myrtle had heard about kissing from some girls in her bathroom- apparently they quite enjoyed it.  Myrtle had never kissed anyone, but she thought it sounded unpleasant.  She wanted to intervene, and save whichever half of the couple was being subjected to such a horrible ordeal, but she wasn't sure which party was being attacked.  The girl seemed to have initiated the encounter, but the boy appeared to be grasping the girl tightly, keeping her from escaping.  The girl, however, did not seem to be resisting at all.  Myrtle decided to wait, and see what happened.  From her point of view, however, nothing changed.  There was more kissing, and some incomprehensible conversation.

"Is that all right darling?"

"Oh…er…yes Penny dear"

"Have you ever…done this…before?"

"Er..well, no, not exactly.."

     Myrtle was confused.  She decided to move in for a closer look.  She quietly poured herself out of the faucet into the water.  The couple, completely oblivious, were both emitting sounds that sounded like groans of pain.  She moved under the water, and stopped, frozen by what she saw.  

     Suddenly, Myrtle burst forth from the bath, water and bubbles flying everywhere.

"WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT????" she shrieked.

The couple were completely surprised, and fell back into the bath.  They came up sputtering "Who is that?  Myrtle!"

     Myrtle continued to scream and bellow "I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! THAT'S AGAINST RULES!"

     Both the girl and boy, turning beet red, clambered out of the bath, running for their clothes.  The girl slipped in a puddle of water and fell, dragging the boy with her.  They slid across the wet floor and stopped at the feet of the Bloody Baron who had been attracted by the ruckus.  

"Be quiet Myrtle!  Please!"  hissed the girl, but Myrtle didn't pay her any attention.  She continued to yell, until not only the Bloody Baron, but the Fat Friar and Peeves had appeared.  The latter, not content to watch, started tossing their clothes around the room and singing a lewd song.

"You should have seen what they were doing!!!" Myrtle screamed, pointing to the couple, who were both blushing furiously, scrambling for their clothes.  

"I bet I can guess what!" yelled Peeves, as he reached a particularly graphic chorus.

     Percy had recovered his glasses and briefs, and Penny her dress, when the door burst open, the locking spell broken.

 "What is the meaning of this?" bellowed Professor McGonagall.

"Er, well, professor…" stammered Percy.

"Percy Weasley, what are you doing in he-"  and then she happened to glance down at his pants, and flushed bright red.

     Percy looked down at his feet as Myrtle shouted "I know what they were doing!  I saw them!  Professor, they were-"

"Enough!" shouted professor McGonagall, her eyes flashing, "Percy Weasley!  Penelope Clearwater! I expected a little more of you!  Now both of you get dressed and –do shut up Peeves!  And return to your houses immediately!  We will talk about this in the morning!"

     Percy and Penny scuttled past her, shame faced and struggling into their robes as the ghosts, disappointed that the excitement had ended, floated off.  McGonagall stood alone with Myrtle. 

"I know what they were doing professor!" she shouted.

"That's quite all right Myrtle." 

"But I saw them!  They were-"

"I'm quite aware of what they were doing" replied the professor, a small smile escaping her "And I will be dealing with it in the morning.  Good night Myrtle!"

     As she swept away Myrtle was left quite alone in the bathroom, water all over the floor, the tub still full of popping bubbles, and a stray sock hanging from one of the faucets.

"I know what I saw." She murmured to herself, gliding back into the pipes, and for the first time in ages, she laughed.


End file.
